January 4, 2014

Dear Nurse Liz,

Last night was so difficult.  I was so angry, and so sad.  I'm exhausted today from all the emotions of sadness and grief. 

My friend called me and told me you died.  He knew I needed to know right away.  I was lucky to be with friends who supported me in my overwhelming grief.  My friends made sure I got home safe and I wasn't alone. 

Facebook has been a wonderful medium for people to share the news of your passing. Its bittersweet you started an account a few months ago. You touched so many lives, not only as a nurse, but as a friend. I have always appreciated my relationship with all the nurses.  I still try to wrap my head around how long we have worked together, nearly twenty years.  We dealt with emergencies together, but mostly we were able to smile and laugh about life together.  Working where we do, its hard to smile all the time, but you always did.  Even when it was crazy.  But I guess we all have a high tolerance for crazy, don't we?

Not many people know we went on a boat trip together many years ago.  Not everyone knows my mother is a nurse, and that's why I related to all the nurses.  Nurses, and children of nurses, speak the same language. 

You saved lives.  You helped save Ed.

I don't know why this didn't save you.  I am so angry about it.  The medicine was supposed to save you.  I know it was hard.  We talked about it.  I listened to how hard your chemo was and your fear of losing your hair. You were so concerned about what it would take to beat cancer and be there for your family. You told me you read my blog and I was an inspiration to you.  We were going to beat this together.  I know you were emotional, but you had every right to be sad and angry.  I know because I was the same way. 

Liz, I'm glad we got to talk as you faced your cancer.  I'm glad that I was able to listen and offer advice.  I'm glad your friends posted pictures of your smiling face, and I met your family through softball.  I'm glad you don't have to fight anymore and I'm glad you aren't in any more pain.

Tomorrow will be hard.  Watch over us as we grieve.  Help us, help me not to be angry.  Help us remember the fun times and your funny laugh and your silly smile.  Help us heal.

I am still fighting, Liz.  I will fight every day.

Love you,
Andrea

December 28, 2014

Like I said, I would return the Sunday after Christmas.  I hope all of you had a great holiday with family and friends.

With this blog, I intended to provide the readers the opportunity to keep updated on my health over this past year.  What developed was the chance to reach out to others who have cancer, or caregivers, or friends.  I applaud those who asked questions and reevaluated health choices because of something learned through the blog.

I continue to improve my spirits and health.  I can do that because of the support I have at work and at home.  While I would like to go back to working at a more demanding pace, its best for me to take advantage of the opportunity to learn more about some of the different and necessary jobs in my department.  I truly appreciate the less stressful schedule and pace.

Every day, people text or email or stop by to check in.  Its a blessing to maintain a regular work schedule, without suffering from pain or fatigue.  I continue to take medicine to keep the cancer inactive.  Its good to recover from chemo with less and less joint pain.  Regular exercise also improves my physical strength, endurance, and energy level.

While a part of this journey has been to share my health with people, another important part is my relationships with others.  Specifically, more people have approached me with news of their loved ones with cancer.  People have asked questions and felt comfortable enough to tell me about how cancer affects their loved ones. Sadly, more women have approached me because they were diagnosed with some form of breast cancer. I hope to help by sharing my experience, or just listening to theirs. 

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Someone told me next year has to be better than last year.  Every year should be better than the last.  I saw an idea on Facebook to share good memories, and I think its a great idea.  Find a mason jar or fishbowl or vase, and use that to contain strips of paper.  Each time something memorable happens, write it down briefly and add it to the container.  By the end of next year, read the papers and share the memories of the past year.

Happy New Year to you and yours.

Love, Sosa

 

Sunday, November 30, 2014

 

 

Above is a picture of me holding a bag of six crab.  This Black Friday, I joined a large group of friends on a fishing boat out of Berkeley.  We went fishing all day  near the Farallon Islands.  We learned how to fish for different types of rock cod and everyone on the boat came home with plenty of fish.  I definitely got a little seasick, but powered through.  We had great weather and took some beautiful pictures.

 

 

I hope everyone took some time to be thankful this holiday weekend, and contribute to those less fortunate.  You never know when your life could become harder, or you get that call, or you are faced with something unexpected.  Be grateful for the days you have been given.

 

 

As we head into December, I want to express my gratitutde to everyone for returning to check in and read the blog.  I am adjusting well to work and an active routine.  This week, I am grateful to be able to exercise more, celebrate lots of birthdays and catch a football game.

 

I will not be posting another blog until the Sunday after Christmas. I hope you will share my past entries with people who are dealing with any type of cancer, or  chemotherapy, or cancer treatment, or family, or friends.  If you think I can help by sharing my story, please reach out.

 

My email is heysosateamsosa@gmail.com

 

 

For local FREE support groups and services: http://www.cancersupportcommunity.net/

 

 

Love, Sosa

 

November 23, 2014

 

Be thankful for life.  Be thankful every day.

Things can change very quickly.  Life can change unexpectedly.

 

Be thankful you have a roof or clothes or food or friends or family. 

Be thankful you have your health.

 

Be thankful you are able to help those in need.

Be thankful you can wake up each day.

 

When you think it could be worse, it probably already is for someone else. 

 

This season, be thankful for the life you have been given, the cards you have been dealt, the road you have travelled...

It has led you to where you are, and everyday, you are given daily opportunities to make your path what you want it to be.

 

There are those who are fighting to survive. There are those who will go without. There are those who will struggle this holiday season. 

 

I encourage you to take a moment and be thankful for your blessings. After that, donate your time, money, food, or goods to someone in need.

 

Love, Sosa

 

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Happy 39th Anniversary to my crazies, mom and dad.

 

 

 

 

November 16, 2014

 

For those of you who were not aware, my birthday was this week.

 

I must acknowledge everyone who wished me well and made my day very special. Having friends and family to share a birthday with is more important this year.  Thank you for the balloons, cards, gifts, and messages, but more than that, its the sincere well wishes that I am most grateful for.  And the cupcakes...

 

This birthday is as important as my next.  Fighting cancer means fighting for a future.  It has been a long year, both physically and emotionally.  I intend for the next year to continue to be positive and filled with friends and love and hope.  I encourage you to appreciate the gifts you have been given.

 

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Last week, I spoke with the Women's Crew at Saint Mary's College.  The team allowed me to check out their erg trailer, which is much more than we had when I was there.  The team honored me with tshirts and a photo, because they rowed in tribute in Foster City.  I am grateful for the opportunity to speak with young women athletes who I hope gain another perspective on women's health.

 

Returning to work has been an adventure in learning new things.  I am adjusting to a new part of the job, and adjusting to a busier schedule.  Everything has gone well and I hope to continue to redevelop the skills I have learned over the years.

 

Please feel free to share this blog with someone you know who might benefit from it.  You can always email me at heysosateamsosa@gmail.com

 

Have a good week,

Sosa

 



November 9, 2014

We did it!

This is a selfie after completing the Berkeley 5k today.  We all got our medals, which means we finished under an hour.  It was a beautiful day in Berkeley, and I had a great time running with my friends.  Congratulations to Cristina, Maria, Marlene, and Mauricio (the late entry) for earning their medals!

It was an emotional day of excitement and accomplishment.  Just a few months ago, I was hooked up to a machine, receiving chemotherapy.  I could barely walk to the mailbox or to the car without difficulty.  If it wasn't fatigue, it was considerable muscle or joint pain.  On those weeks between treatment, I pushed myself to walk longer, enduring back, leg, and joint pain.  Once chemo was over, and had worked its way out of my system, my energy level gradually increased, and I felt better when walking.

I could not have accomplished this event goal without the help of my friends.  They (and their dogs) were there to walk with me, no matter how slow.  I cannot be more grateful for people who included me in their schedules and shared the conversation.  Over months, I was able to increase strength and distance, and walking three or four miles became routine.  I realized I could run a little more, and was able to run two of the 3.1 miles today. 

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I returned to work this week.  My colleagues have made my transition easy and made me feel welcome.  I am learning new things and adjusting to the work routine.  Each day brings new challenges, just like everyone else, and just like before I had cancer.  But, I appreciate the patience and kindness of others, because those challenges can and will be more challenging than before. 

Big day today.  I need a nap.

Love, Sosa

 

November 2, 2014

 



Hello Everyone,

 

Thank you for returning to the blog every week.

 

Tomorrow, I return to work to face old challenges and new challenges. It has been a very long year of life changing experiences.  I was faced with an incredible diagnosis and spent the time necessary to face some of the many battles of this war.  I will continue to face breast cancer for the rest of my life.  However, the medicine always me to live my life and control the disease at the same time. 

 

My life will not revolve around having cancer, but cancer will be a part of my life.  That means I will continue to work and walk and do the things I enjoy doing. That means surrounding myself with positive people who have similar attitudes. It does not mean I ignore my disease; it means I accept it as a part of my life and live because I survive.

 

Thank you to everyone who offered me support and prayers and love during this time.  I have learned many lessons about relationships and how people share their feelings about cancer.  Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts and experience.

 

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I have to acknowledge the World Series Champions, San Francisco Giants.

 

I was diagnosed during spring training and began chemotherapy shortly after the season started.  As our team started off well, they, like me, also struggled through a very rough June.  I wore my Giants gear to chemotherapy. I attended games and watched from home.  And they came through in the end.  In the longest playoff series, that included the longest, most exhausting, games, the Giants prevailed.  It is fitting that their season ends as I close out my summer and return to work.

 

Myself and another "Gamer Babe," both diagnosed with breast cancer in February, believed in our team, watched these games, and we reserve the right to believe our boys won that championship for us.

 

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I spoke at my school this week at their annual Breast Cancer Awareness luncheon.  It was great to share my story with people there, and also be joined by friends and family.  It was a wonderful experience and a sort of closure to a very long year.  I will continue to tell my story and advocate for early detection and an open dialogue with doctors. 

 

I also attended my last yoga classes and support group at the Cancer Support Community.  The Community has offered me support and education during this time.  I have met some wonderful people and heard many stories of survival.  CSC is a wonderful place for support, for cancer patients, families, children, and caretakers.  All services are free and I recommend their services.

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Love, Sosa