April 6, 2014                                                   Not Pain, But Perspective

Hello Everyone, and Welcome Back,

In my last entry, I shared with you all the challenge and triumph of cutting my hair.  It was an act of preparation for war, and I am adjusting to my newest strength.  Thank you to everyone who complimented me on the new look, but moreso the acknowledgement that I did something to help others. 
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I would not have been given any challenge if nothing good were to come of it.

On Thursday, I had surgery to install a port in my chest.  It is not like Neo in the Matrix, as Angela guessed, but close.  It is a small device placed under the skin in my upper right chest.  At chemotherapy, the drugs will be delivered through a needle placed into the device.  This surgical procedure took a few hours, during which time, my neck and chest were stretched in opposite directions while the technician properly placed the device under my skin and into my veins. 

While I received IV sedatives during the procedure, as anyone who has had any surgery can attest, those drugs wear off.  I had some discomfort Thursday afternoon, and complete pain by Thursday night.  Friday was much worse, like the second day after a car crash.  I had limited movement and utilized ice packs and prescription painkillers for pain. The bandages were removed Saturday and the site should be ready for access at my first chemotherapy infusion.

Most medical professionals today ask their patients to describe their level of pain on a scale of one to ten.  I can say I experienced a ten or more until late Sunday evening.  It has subsided to between a five to seven, which depends on my activity or position.  The swelling and bruising has lessened, but I look and feel like I was shot in the chest.  I can feel the device itself, as well as the tubes coming out of it and running underneath my skin....

As I experienced this pain and discomfort, I did not cry or feel sorry for myself. That's not my style.  My parents helped me as needed, and I rested as much as my comfort level would allow.  Ironically, the pain I have experienced from the actual breast cancer tumor, was minimal and appeared to have subsided over the past few days.  Its as if my cancer knew this surgical procedure would be a break from my ongoing pain, and took pleasure in vaulting it higher to test my pain threshold.

This pain is nothing compared to what this war has in store for me.

This pain is not nausea, or hair loss, or neuropathy, or depression, or fatigue.

This pain is here to give me perspective.
Nearly all surgeries are performed with the goal of addressing the main health issue. This surgery provided me with a tool to make it easier for my body to receive treatment.  This is not the last surgery I will have in this war, which is yet to be determined.  This recovery experience is minimal compared to the daily recoveries I have yet to face.

I have a long way to go, and this pain is a small, but significant battle in a very  terrible war. Your prayers, support and feedback are always welcome and needed as valuable weapons in my fight.

Love, Sosa

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I will post again this week, and I appreciate all comments, suggestions, emails, and posts to the blog.  Please share with others, and don't hesitate to email me or ask questions.  You won't know the answer until you ask the question.