August 17, 2014.....Another Week Down

Its another week without chemotherapy and my body continues to adjust.  Another week waiting to find out whats next in my treatment and for my mind has to adjust as well. When there is no news, the waiting can sometimes be the hardest part.  I don't have answers for myself, let alone for anyone else.

But,

You get through it.  When it may seem difficult, I take one day at a time.  Sometimes, one hour at a time.  Get up, walk, shower, eat.  Look at the cards or the messages from loved ones, and refocus.  Keep moving forward.

Because,

The laundry still needs to be done.  There will always be traffic on 580 in Livermore. And I will still have cancer tomorrow. 

Do what you can until you cannot.  Continue to hope, be strong, and have faith, in the medicine and yourself.

____________________

This week, I spent time with a woman who opted for surgery, instead of treatment, based on her medical history.  I was impressed by her pride and courage.  I also met with a support group of breast cancer survivors.  They offered another perspective on living life in wellness after treatment.  Meeting with other women and listening to their stories is very helpful.  While treatment plans and medicines can be similar, every woman's diagnosis and history is unique.  These perspectives provide valuable education for the newly diagnosed about what to expect, and various ways to handle emotions, side effects, and stress.  I think its important for patients and survivors to find support in others, especially in a group or individual counseling. 

____________________

Thank you to everyone who continues to read this blog and post comments, or send emails or messages.  I have been very lucky to continue to reach out to others, as they have reached out to me with love and support. 

I always appreciate distractions, especially those that remind me of what my life used to be. I appreciate good news, like engagements, and wedding dresses, and new kitchens. And baseball, and little league, and finally, football.  Its nice not to think about cancer all the time, no matter how bald you are.

Have a good week,
Sosa

August 10, 2014

 

Isn't that the truth?

 

The image above was sent to me from a friend who survived breast cancer, and I forwarded it to a friend with lymphoma.

 

These last few months have gone by quickly, even though some of the days are long. I was diagnosed at the end of February and its already August. I have had some very long days, and longer nights.  Its all part of the war, and like war, it is exhausting and ongoing, and there are losses to bear.

 

A year ago, I was working, and going to baseball games, and spending time with friends.  Now, I have cancer. I'm bald and on leave from work. I have tried to stay active, and my friends have helped me remember what I enjoy most, and showed how much support is around me. 

 

A friend asked me this week if I thought these months were going to be as hard as it has been.  I did not expect to get through chemo as well as I did. I say "as well," mainly because I did not get as sick as most patients do. As a nurse's daughter, I prepared and medicated as needed.  Listening to my body and consulting with my nurses and doctors helped with the side effects. I attended a support group weekly and learned perspective. As difficult as chemo can be for anyone, there will be harder battles to face.  They will be physical and emotional, and I will prepare for whatever the treatment may be.  I do not have any news now, and decisions are yet to be made.  Remember, each patient is different, and my situation is different from someone else.

 

Since I was diagnosed, I have been public about how this journey has affected me and also how many people have approached me.  It is important to acknowledge those who have never known anyone with cancer.  I commend those who have asked questions to understand what is happening to me, but also to understand what could happen to them or their loved ones.

____________________________________

 

Breast cancer does not discriminate.  It touches lives of so many.  In the past month, I learned of more friends and parents who have been recently diagnosed. Some have minor surgery and some have mastectomies and chemo in their future. In our lifetime, one in eight women will be diagnosed with some degree of breast cancer.  The treatments and medicines are much better than twenty, ten, or even one year ago.  As long as women are reaching out to doctors for early detection then treatment, recovery, and remission are easier than it used to be.  It is still hard to learn, and even harder to accept.  But there is support and there is hope. 

____________________________________

Love, Sosa

 

 



August 3, 2014

Another Week Down

 

 

Hello Everyone and Welcome Back....

 

 

While the week had a rough start as I was recovering from my last chemotherapy, it finished up on a better note.  I continue to try to do something every day, even if it just means I take a drive to get some fresh air.

 

As you can see above, I attended another Giants game this week.  For those of you who think this is weird, please understand I attended 2-3 games a month last season.  I attend all sorts of sporting events when I can, and baseball and softball are at the top of my list.

 

This week, two friends returned from their travels with very cool gifts for me.  I always feel fortunate, and I make note of all the places I want to go when I can travel again.  Maybe a cruise, Hawaii, or Comic-Con....

 

I took part in two celebrations this week.  The DP turns 50 this week, and I spent all day Sunday with friends at an outdoor party.  The weather was easy on us and the company was lots of fun.  All we needed was a slip and slide...

 

I also met with my parents and extended family at a celebration for a family friend who lived to be 101.  I listened to the stories of people who grew up together in the 1950s and 60s. There were pictures of my grandpa as a young man, and reminders of what life used to be like, post WWII, when families and friends lived on the same block and planned vacations together.

 

My parents are still hanging in there, and they always say hello and appreciate the support of my friends in the Bay Area.

______________________________________

 

Maybe its just me, but it seems cancer is an ongoing theme in movies and TV shows lately.  "The Fault in Our Stars" and "Wish I Was Here" are recent movies with characters with cancer, and "Chasing Life" is a drama on the Family Channel, where a young woman is diagnosed with leukemia. There was even an episode of "Botched" where a breast cancer survivor needed another corrrective surgery towards reconstruction. 

 

Its kind of like, when you drive a certain kind of car, then you notice that car on the road, more than usual.  Or when the side effects of advertised medications are read aloud on TV, and there is a reference to cancer.  Or I notice other women wearing hats or scarves like me.

 

Some people may think its not the best thing for a cancer patient to pay attention to programs or commercials that involve cancer.  Any patient can tell you using search engines and reading numerous articles can cause more harm than good.  The benefit of fictional programs allows people to relate to a variety of characters, from patient to parent to friend.  Often, its educational for those who still may not understand what the cancer patient is going through, which then opens the door for questions and communication.

 

Don't ever be afraid to ask questions.  Have a good week.

 

Love, 

Sosa   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



July 27, 2014

Cycle Six, My Last Chemo

 

Hello Everyone, and Welcome Back.

 

As you can see, I completed my last chemotherapy this week.  This is the first of many long steps towards continuing to live a long life.  I knew this would be a long year, and the first five months have been incredibly hard.  Its hard to be off work, and its hard to go through everything I have been faced with.  Its hard every day. 

 

My positive outlook and realistic perspective have helped me get through the hardest times.  As I enter the next phase of treatment, I will be faced with new information.  This means new feelings, anxiety, and fears.  I was asked how I deal with the "hard times," and I said I allow those feelings to pass through me.  Over my life, I have learned how emotions can drain your energy.  I have learned to acknowledge significant emotions, and allow them to pass.  That means feeling sad or angry or scared.  I believe allowing feelings to build up, or avoiding them, demands more energy and strength than one may realize.  Let them pass, and move on to the next thing. 

 



I will not have any new information for a few weeks.  My body needs to recover from the chemotherapy cycle.  Just like the other cycles, I am dealing with exhaustion and pain.  The medicine is very "heavy," which makes it difficult to adjust to with each cycle.  I am sluggish and uncomfortable, and the heat is always a "plus."

This week, I attended a caregiver appreciation event at the Cancer Support Community, and a breast cancer fundraiser in Morgan Hill.  Both events acknowledge two important aspects of cancer: support and awareness.  The CSC event was an event where patients and survivors could acknowledge personal or professional caregivers.  I acknowledged Team Sosa at this event with words of "Family, Generosity, and Support."  More of the shirts were delivered this week, and I will never be able to express my gratitude for everyone's support. 

Over the weekend, I joined two high school friends at "Bingo for Breast Cancer" in Morgan Hill.  This event raised funds for breast cancer awareness through raffles, bingo, and auctions.  I was honored to be invited and enjoyed the evening with over 100 people involved in an organization, with thousands of dollars in donations.  It was a hot, long evening, but I enjoyed spending time with good people who are bringing awareness to this disease that threatens so many women, every day.  The funds allow for free mammograms and early detection programs. These fundraising events provide funds to develop the medicines that are helping me today.

I hope everyone has a good week and stays cool.  Thank you for the random photos and for the inspirational messages.  I am doing my part to keep up on my new shows and baseball games and new purses.  Keep the distractions coming my way.

Love, Sosa

 

July 20, 2014

 

 

This quote was sent to me from Mika, a breast cancer survivor.

 

 

It can apply to any woman, and hopefully motivate her to make her own choices.  Make your life better, regardless of the cards you have been dealt.  Play your hand, and don't let it play you.

 

As it applies to me, I could have chosen to be sad or depressed when this all began.  But I have learned through life experience, that the energy it takes to be mad or sad or angry, can be and usually is, exhausting.  I know enough about myself to allow those emotions of fear and sadness and anger to run their course. In the beginning, I had two really bad days.  But then, it became time to move forward. 

 

I am heading into my last chemotherapy this week.  That means in a few weeks, I will know more about my treatment plan and what it takes to continue living in my "new normal."  While I must believe it will be "good news," I am prepared for all of the possibilities. 

 

I have never denied the scary truth that is breast cancer.  I own what this is and how it has affected me and those who care for me. Now, I will be at a different pace, with a new perspective on how to live this life. 

 

_______________________________

 

Thank you to everyone who spent time with me this week.  I appreciate the company and eating too much food.  Thank you for the emails and messages and conversations.  

 

If anyone is interested in attending a FREE COCKTAIL HOUR on Tuesday in Lafayette, please let me know.  The Cancer Support Community is holding a caregiver appreciation event, Cocktails for a Cause.  The evening is about recognition for private, professional, and medical caregivers. I have submitted TEAMSOSA as my representative, and I plan on stopping by.

 

 http://cancersupport.net/cocktails-for-a-cause/

 

Love, Sosa

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



 

July 13, 2014

Thank You Flowers

 

 

 

Hello Everyone and Welcome Back.  I would like to thank you all for checking in with your messages and emails and calls.  It is very different to be off work for such a long time, and not have regular contact with people in my life.  I understand it is important to focus on my health, and being at work would cause me stress. That does not mean I do not miss my people.

 

 

This week, I was blessed with gifts from my community, hence the flowers.  Through the American Cancer Society and local health plans, cancer patients are eligible to receive free wigs.  I took advantage of this individual fitting service and additional resources to get two wigs.  I don't know how long it will take for my hair to grow back and or what it will look like.  The wigs, along with scarves and hats, will help me feel more comfortable, especially when I return to the work force.

 

I was also lucky enough to attend two MLB games this week.  It was great to be invited to spend a friend's birthday watching baseball in Oakland. And, on Sunday, watching two grand slams by the battery in San Francisco. 

 

It has also been a crazy few weeks of retirement of so many longstanding individuals in my department.  They deserve many thanks for their contributions and guidance over many years serving this County.  It is unfortunate some have to retire sooner than planned, and their unique personalities will be missed. 

 

I would also like to acknowledge and congratulate two friends who were finally married this week.  It has been a long time coming, and I wish them all the best. 

 

And, as always, I want to say thanks to those who offer me inspirational messages, support, favors, or love during this time in my life.  I appreciate it every day, and I can only hope to express my thanks over time.

 

Love, Sosa

 

email : heysosateamsosa@gmail.com

 

If you have trouble posting comments to the blog, try posting from a computer, instead of a cellphone.  Or, if you send me your comments, I will post for you.

July 6, 2014

Cycle 5

 



 

Hello Everyone, and Welcome Back.  Thank you all for reaching out in whatever way you have this week.  I appreciate people who call or text or email, or post on Facebook.  I always smile when I get a fun or inspiring message, because it shows someone is thinking of me, and wishes me well.

 

The blog has been viewed almost 7,000 times.  I have received emails from people letting me know they read it and how it is inspiring and hopeful.  What's more, is I have been contacted by friends who know people who have been recently diagnosed, and the blog offers one more resource for people with questions.  My hope is you share this blog and my email address with your friends and family.  Breast cancer in many forms, is more prevalent than anyone ever imagined.  And its very scary when it happens to someone you know or love.  What I have gained is knowledge about the effects of all types of cancer, including leukemia, lymphoma, colon, and ovarian, among others.  Please allow me to be a resource for others, as I have been fortunate to recieve help from others during my journey.

_________________________

 

Recently, I spoke/texted with a friend who has an older friend who is diagnosed and is faced with choices about chemotherapy and surgery.  I spoke with a survivor whose last chemo was a year ago.  I get calls from survivors of over 10 or 20 years.  Being diagnosed with breast cancer at 37 is the road I have to follow, and I appreciate anyone who is joining me with support and strength.  Its not just about those afflicted with the disease.  Its also about those who care for people with cancer.

 

However you deal with the knowledge of cancer is how you deal with it.  Its about being sad or angry, or confused or lost.  Some people handle the news and become dependable and strong.  Some people show a side of themselves that is incredibly supportive, almost surprisingly so. Conversations happen that reveal the incredible heart within people you never thought to consider.  Some express feelings of sympathy, but are unable to do anything more because its not affecting them directly, or they are having trouble understanding all of the difficult emotions.  It is reality, and that happens, and I rely on those who have approached me with love and strength.  I help those who need a better understanding of the disease, because they ask.  But, I understand, how a withdrawal may be because of fear or lack of interest.  Self defense mechanisms come in many forms, including denial.  If that is happening to someone you know, I hope they do not offend you as they try to figure out their feelings.  I recognize crisis and stress affects people differently.  I accept people for who they are and do not ask them for any more than what they are capable of.    

 

You do what you can.  I will do what I can, until I cannot.

 

I am reminded every minute of every day of my battle.  Every hour that it hurts, every time I struggle with something physical, like take a walk or lift something. This isn't getting any easier, and some days are harder than others.  I am in this role I have been charged with, and I am glad every day I asked for help from my friends and my community. 

 

Thank you for taking the time to read and share the blog. 

 

Andrea