February 22, 2015

 

 

Aloha Friends and Family,

 

I apologize I was unable to post a picture from my recent vacation, but I will work on it for my next posting.

 

Over the past few weeks, I embarked on a few adventures and spent time with wonderful friends.  I enjoyed the beginning of softball season and helped plan my good friend's wedding.

 

The best part about the past few weeks has been my ability to go somewhere I have never been.  Whats important about the trip is that I could go.  Over the past year, I endured treatment for a disease that is incurable.  Without that treatment, my health may or may not have allowed me to go.  Its entirely possible, I may not have ever known I had cancer until I turned 40.  I planned on taking a trip like this before then, I just had a better reason to go now.

 

I also would not have been able to go without the support of Team Sosa and my traveling friends, "Sunshine and Gemini."  Having their support and encouragement to take this trip was a large part of why I went.  That and a great deal on the flight, of course.  We made lots of memories and ate some great food.  I hope to return again in a few years.

 

Besides my trip, I was able to participate in the Fresno State softball kickoff and see friends and family.  It was great to see the people and the team, especially after I missed the whole season last year.  Barring another treatment decision, I plan to attend games and support the team. 

 

I have been fortunate enough to be of some help to my friend and her upcoming nuptials.  I offered to help, as long as she paid me in lunches. Everything that a friend would do, I have been able to do because I have recovered from the hardest part of treatment.  As my hair grows back, and my energy level increases, I will continue to take on similar activities that I used to do.  Its easier not to think about cancer all the time, when life and living, are both easier to think about.

 

As the anniversary of my diagnosis occurs, I will be faced with treatment options, or adjusting to the continued maintenance of the cancer I live with.  Its all about perspective.  Some days, its less hard to not think about.  Some days, its all I think about.  Some days, I just want to watch TV.

 

Thank you all again for returning and reading the blog.  I appreciate your comments and emails.  Your support has always been so special and I am so blessed every day to have it. 

 

Love, Sosa

 



February 1, 2015

Hello Everyone and Welcome Back,

The end of February marks the one year anniversary of my diagnosis.  Its crazy to think about how much has happened this year and how much my life has changed.

One of the best things that has happened this year is the development of support from my friends.  There are plenty of people who reminded me all year that no one fights alone.  I remember daily text messages to check in, and inspirational quotes and prayers. I received visits and blessings from so many people in my community.  I welcomed new friends and renewed relationships.

My friends showed me their growth and compassion and generosity.  While I learned to accept my diagnosis and unknown future, these people were supportive by keeping me company and listening to what I was facing. 

As this anniversary comes upon me, I reflect on how relationships have grown and become more important.  Some friends have become much closer.  Some friends have distanced themselves for a variety of reasons.  What I appreciate most is those who reminded me that I am still me, no matter how I look.  I thank those who treated me as normal as possible, and didn't forget about me as the year went on. 

I remember the times people were most real with me.  Honesty for some, became easier.  While a lot of people confided in me about their cancer experiences, some spoke with me about other personal experiences.  I am grateful to have been there for friends who needed me as much as I still need them. 

With honesty and compassion comes forgiveness.  Anyone can tell you, I am someone who can be a great friend, but I am in no way infallible.   Cancer doesn't make all your sins forgiven. I still make mistakes.  I say the wrong thing or make the wrong choice for myself.  I fault because I lead with my heart, which means I am sensitive and I take things just as hard. I am grateful for those who are closest to me who can be direct with me when necessary. What should also be acknowledged is the ability of my friends to communicate expectations and forgive.

I surround myself with the best people.  I do not fight alone.

Love, Sosa


My next blog will be February 22, 2015.  I hope you return.

January 25, 2015

living with cancer means doing just that: living with it.

I spent this week running errands, working, working out, and spending time with friends.  I am not in treatment, which means my body can get stronger and handle everyday activities.  Like helping out my mom..... 

A few people have asked me if I am in remission.  I may have talked about this before, but it bears repeating.  After being treated for any kind of cancer, a period of time should pass before it can be considered in remission.  Some survivors even consider themselves cancer free after a period of time.

I have Stage IV breast cancer.  Because of the extent of the disease, I will likely carry some form of cancer in my body for the rest of my life.  If my cancer was caught early and small, it may have been removed from my body completely and I could use words like "cancer free," or "remission."

That is not the case with me.  I currently take maintenance drugs to keep the cancer contained, or inactive.  As my doctors look at regular scans, they will review my treatment options to determine the next logical treatment.  For example, breast cancer and ovarian cancer go "hand in hand. " And since my family has a history of both, my treatment team will review options for preemptive treatment, such as surgery.

One of the greatest weapons in this battle has been education.  I choose to be very informed about my cancer and the development of breast cancer research and treatment.  I seek out answers to my questions about how my disease behaves and how I can continue my quality of life.  With this knowledge, I can share with others who are experiencing cancer in their lives as it happens to loved ones.  Being educated means I can share with you that I understand my disease and its treatment.

I carry this with me every day.  There are minutes and hours where I don't think about having cancer, or what could happen to me.  But, most of the time, I laugh and smile and enjoy the time I have been given.  My perspective has changed, and life is much more clear now.  What helps me most are the friends who are with me on this journey.  I cannot ever express my gratitude for those who are with me every day, and will be there for me when I need them. I can only try to return the favor by being a good friend. 


Love, Sosa

 

January 18, 2015

So this is my current situation..

This week I was brave.  I went without a scarf or hat to cover my head.  In public!

It took meeting with the hairstylist who cut my hair last year, Candace, at Citrus Salon.  You may remember her from one of the first blog entries.  She reassured me that my hair was growing back evenly and healthy. She endorsed some products which I hope will encourage thickness and evenness. She even did a pixie workshop the following day!

I am more comfortable with my hair now than I have been since losing it all.  But it took some steps to be brave.  My head still gets cold, and when I wear a baseball cap, I feel like I look like a boy.  Its not fun to lose all your hair.  

But its not supposed to be.  Its just one more hard thing to deal with and to accept. Its a temporary scar.  There are more battles and scars to come.  It is with the support of family and friends that those battles will be a little easier to fight.  

 So I choose to be brave.

Love, Sosa