January 18, 2015

So this is my current situation..

This week I was brave.  I went without a scarf or hat to cover my head.  In public!

It took meeting with the hairstylist who cut my hair last year, Candace, at Citrus Salon.  You may remember her from one of the first blog entries.  She reassured me that my hair was growing back evenly and healthy. She endorsed some products which I hope will encourage thickness and evenness. She even did a pixie workshop the following day!

I am more comfortable with my hair now than I have been since losing it all.  But it took some steps to be brave.  My head still gets cold, and when I wear a baseball cap, I feel like I look like a boy.  Its not fun to lose all your hair.  

But its not supposed to be.  Its just one more hard thing to deal with and to accept. Its a temporary scar.  There are more battles and scars to come.  It is with the support of family and friends that those battles will be a little easier to fight.  

 So I choose to be brave.

Love, Sosa

 

January 11, 2015

Thank you everyone for returning to the blog.  Thank you for sharing and talking about the blog with friends and family.  Last week was very difficult for my community and we are all very grateful for the support of each other.

Losing someone is hard.  Losing someone to cancer is hard.  Losing a friend to breast cancer is hard.  Its scary to think that that could happen to me.  Its a scary thing.  Its a reality check for anyone who had chemotherapy or any cancer treatment.  Going through the battles we do, fighting the fights we do, we are literally fighting for our lives every day. 

You are a survivor from the day of diagnosis.  Each day you choose to live changes your perspective.  Old wounds can be healed. Friendships become more valuable and relationships take on new meaning. 

Things can be different.  I am taking advantage of every opportunity to enjoy life.  Its not that hard to be positive about things in life.  You don't have to have cancer or know someone with cancer to change your perspective, too.

Don't wait for the bad thing to happen to snap you out of your funk.  Don't wait for the bad thing to happen to someone you love to change how you treat people.  Fight through the hardest parts and see the silver lining.  Believe there is something better. 

Laugh at the little things.  Make plans to do something you keep putting off.  Fight through negative emotions and surround yourself with positive people.  Help those who ask for help, and support those who may not be brave enough to ask for help.  Be a good friend.  Be a good partner.

Be a fighter.

Love, Sosa

January 4, 2014

Dear Nurse Liz,

Last night was so difficult.  I was so angry, and so sad.  I'm exhausted today from all the emotions of sadness and grief. 

My friend called me and told me you died.  He knew I needed to know right away.  I was lucky to be with friends who supported me in my overwhelming grief.  My friends made sure I got home safe and I wasn't alone. 

Facebook has been a wonderful medium for people to share the news of your passing. Its bittersweet you started an account a few months ago. You touched so many lives, not only as a nurse, but as a friend. I have always appreciated my relationship with all the nurses.  I still try to wrap my head around how long we have worked together, nearly twenty years.  We dealt with emergencies together, but mostly we were able to smile and laugh about life together.  Working where we do, its hard to smile all the time, but you always did.  Even when it was crazy.  But I guess we all have a high tolerance for crazy, don't we?

Not many people know we went on a boat trip together many years ago.  Not everyone knows my mother is a nurse, and that's why I related to all the nurses.  Nurses, and children of nurses, speak the same language. 

You saved lives.  You helped save Ed.

I don't know why this didn't save you.  I am so angry about it.  The medicine was supposed to save you.  I know it was hard.  We talked about it.  I listened to how hard your chemo was and your fear of losing your hair. You were so concerned about what it would take to beat cancer and be there for your family. You told me you read my blog and I was an inspiration to you.  We were going to beat this together.  I know you were emotional, but you had every right to be sad and angry.  I know because I was the same way. 

Liz, I'm glad we got to talk as you faced your cancer.  I'm glad that I was able to listen and offer advice.  I'm glad your friends posted pictures of your smiling face, and I met your family through softball.  I'm glad you don't have to fight anymore and I'm glad you aren't in any more pain.

Tomorrow will be hard.  Watch over us as we grieve.  Help us, help me not to be angry.  Help us remember the fun times and your funny laugh and your silly smile.  Help us heal.

I am still fighting, Liz.  I will fight every day.

Love you,
Andrea