Sunday, January 24,2016

Hello everyone and welcome back....

Hope everyone had a pleasant holiday season. Its crazy to think its 2016.

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The gloves above....

As I head into 2016, the gloves are back on.  Two years after my initial diagnosis, I am currently being reevaluated for treatment to begin the next battle.  This will include new medicine and radiation.  My diagnosis means there will always be battles to face.  Those battles occur daily, weekly, and monthly.  Cancer survivors don't just face chemotherapy, or surgery, or radiation.  We also fight the battles of daily pain, and doubt, and fear.  

And, after 15 minutes of that, I put my gloves back on.  I listen to music, and get my mind back in the game.  I use my weapons of humor and education, along with the valued support of family and friends.  Its so important to acknowledge my feelings of weakness, and then match them with the power of strength.  I take pride when people flatter my short hair, or remind me it was just "yesterday," when I dealt with treatment.  I still talk with others and explain how the medicine and science is allowing people to be diagnosed earlier and treated better.  This allows for education, and my message can be shared with others who have questions they are afraid to ask.  This also allows patients to work during treatment.  I face this everyday.

I do my best to do as many "normal" activities as I can.  Whether its go to a party, or meet new friends, or work out, or play ball.   I still take on challenges and I still pay bills.  I continue to find humor in some of the aches and pains, because, what else can I do about it?

I thank everyone for sharing this journey with me.  I am the only one who can walk the path, but I can always find support along the way.  It gets harder all the time, but I am grateful for every distraction, and messages of hope, strength, and courage.

Love, Sosa

December 20, 2015

Happy Holidays....

Here is hoping all is well with everyone.

As the year ends, it always seems like it went too fast.  Some people have accomplished everything they set out to.  Some have accomplished half or fewer of those goals.   And some people promise to make those goals next year.

Whatever it may be or whatever it may have been, it is important to acknowledge anything that worked for you and what did not.  Recognize what helps you forward, and what holds you back.

I can only hope this advice helps you as it has helped me.  I remain positive and moving forward, because it is the simple advice that helps the most.  Move forward.  Be better.  Acknowledge the pain because it means you are alive.  Help when you can and accept when you cannot.

I have lots of Christmas cards to work on and plenty of holiday craziness to attend to.  I hope to continue to check in as 2016 progresses.

Enjoy your holidays.  Make some goals.  Write down fun things that happen and take note. Put them in a jar or journal to remember at this time next year.  Whatever it is, I only relay what I have learned from the people in my life.

Happy Holidays.

Love, Sosa

November 1, 2015

Hello Everyone and Welcome back.

Did your October included new efforts for breast cancer awareness? Wearing pink is a sign of hope for all those who fight this disease. But it does not stop with wearing pink.  Awareness means opening a dialogue, or gathering knowledge, and sharing with others so information can be shared about what is happening with breast cancer treatment.

This month, I participated in coordinating our annual softball tournament, which included some pretty cool trophies with pink ribbons.  It was a long day, and I was able to share my story to those who saw me there last year, when I had no hair. My friend and I are always excited to plan the event and it was a success.

This month, I sold TEAM SOSA wristbands and tournament towels as fundraisers.  I worked with a committee to coordinate a fundraiser luncheon at my work, which raised money for the Cancer Support Community and the Food Bank.  I attended the Rethink Pink Luncheon at Saint Mary's College, and showed attendees that I am still living with a Stage 4 Diagnosis.

Along with participating in awareness activities, I was very busy working two jobs and playing softball.  I haven't played in a long time, but it has gone very well.  I am grateful for my teammates and the opportunity. My body definitely hurts more than it used to. But I can still hit the ball.

All of these activities are possible because of medicine that allows my body to keep my cancer under control and slow growing. I continue to have infusion, but now every three months instead of monthly.  I take a pill which has been proven to maintain cancer growth.  With the help of my treatment, and my motivation,  I have been back to work for a whole year. 

I have learned more about the investments people made in breast cancer awareness which have resulted in better technology and science.  For example, new machines are developed to identify cancer in women with dense breasts.  There are many advancements in breast conserving surgery, which provides hope to women who are diagnosed early.  The treatments for breast cancer are continuing to develop, even from last year, when I went through treatment.

There is always more to share about breast cancer awareness and treatment, but it is up to those affected to ask the questions and share the stories.  I hope this past year has helped people with concerns to come forward and share with doctors, families, and friends.  I have met many survivors and shared memories of those lost to this disease. 

Support systems are always so important, and I wish I could acknowledge each person who asks how I am doing and if I need anything.  I am very grateful for everyone who I have met on this journey and who are still along for the ride.  I am not always behaving like the same person I was before treatment, and my friends are patient and learning the difference.  I sometimes feel like I am not strong enough, or being too sensitive, or I just don't get it right. Thank you again, every day, for your help and your love.

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I will continue with the monthly blog, and post entries on the first Sunday of the month.  I will try to post photos, but I have a new computer, and that has not been easy to figure out. 

I will place an order for TEAM SOSA shirts in the next week, so please let me know if you are interested. I also have wristbands and tournament towels.
Send me an email here: heysosateamsosa@gmail.com

October 4, 2015

As promised, I have returned the first week of October.  Here is hoping all is well, wherever you are.

I am staying busy and working two jobs.  It has almost been a year since I returned to work, which is an important milestone.  It means I have survived my first year without more chemotherapy. I still take hormone therapy to control my cancer, but, right now, its not so bad that more intensive treatment is required. 

Being a survivor means more than just surviving cancer and treatment.  It is what fuels managing symptoms and physical exhaustion.  It is learning how to distinguish aches from significant pain.  Survival is managing a busy schedule and allotting for an hour a day, or a few hours a week to chill out.  Survivors appreciate a night off from everything, and welcome distractions.

The weight of our world can be very hard to bear.  There is the physical demands of post treatment readjustments, even a year later.  There are the emotional and psychological demands of knowing your death is sooner than previously imagined.  And there is the reality, facing the truth, that this disease does not play favorites, and does not care who it goes after.

This week, my community lost another fighter.  I went to school with Charlene in Madera.  I remember when he school went to her brother's funeral, after he was killed in the explosion on the USS Iowa.  I always thought she had the prettiest eyes.  When I was diagnosed and in treatment, I saw some Facebook postings, and we sent a few messages.  She and I shared some of the demanding stories that only survivors can share.  Charlene went through so much physically with her second cancer battle.  And she came to a complete decision to return home to her family to rest in peace.  It is publicly clear, she was truly loved.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  This month focuses on the early detection programs, and informing communities of the new medicine and efforts to develop treatment.  Pink is everywhere, and it means more to me than it did two years ago.

Just this past week, I met more survivors, because I was wearing a survivor shirt.  We exchanged stories and reminded each other to keep fighting.  Because its all we do.  I appreciate those who are cancer free after undergoing treatment.   

I will wear my pink this October, as a badge of courage and strength and survival.  Because, right now, today, I survive this cancer.  

Love, Sosa

September 7, 2015

Hello Everyone and welcome back.  I would have posted earlier, but I fell asleep.  So, its still Sunday night, kinda...

Thank you for returning to check in.  I will continue to post monthly entries, and respond to your emails and messages. 

Since last entry, I have kept busy with work and personal activities.  I like having something to do after work hours, whether its going to the gym, meeting a friend for dinner, working a second job, or practicing softball with friends.  I stay busy by staying active.  I have attended a few baseball games, and some junior football games.  I joined some friends in Palm Springs and just returned from a road trip to Humboldt with my parents. September includes more running around.

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The posted photo is an appreciation of those who I surround myself with.  I think about Team Sosa every day, and remember how important it is to surround myself with support.  Every person should acknowledge and be grateful for any support system in their lives, no matter how small.  I am very glad to know, if I need something, I can always ask.  There will always be the independent Sosa, who can do it all on her own.  One thing, I have changed in my life, is taking opportunities to ask for help.  That truly makes the hard times, a little less hard.

Part of that, too, is being open about life and what has happened in the past year and a half.  Sometimes, people still have difficulty understanding that I am still Stage 4, and "don't look it."  A lot of people have said, if they did not know I had lost my hair, they would never have guessed I did not mean to cut it short.  Alternatively, some people still look at me with sympathy, or as if I am dying. They wonder why I did not have surgery or spend months in the hospital.  I acknowledge everyone who has the courage to ask me why. I always search to find a better way to explain that I am "living with cancer," because some people only hear "cancer," and not the "living" part.....

I can also understand its very difficult for those people, just from their own experiences.  Most people have friends or family who are diagnosed, and they do not live very long.  Or, they live longer but are in obvious treatment (no hair,  lots of hospital trips, no job).  We have lived so long with medicine that does not cure cancer, it is hard to accept there is medicine that treats cancer. 

I continue to receive treatment to keep my cancer under control. It allows me good quality of life, or it has for the past year. That is the benefit of more medicine, developed by continued donations and fundraisers, like this upcoming October pink events.  I have friends with different forms of cancer who are in lifelong treatment, like me.  I also have met plenty of cancer survivors.  They have been treated and continue to be tested cancer free.  Medicine has come a long way in improving quality of life for those who have completed treatment, and those who continue to endure it.

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Right now, I take one pill a day.  This medicine is the second in a variety of medicines I will take to keep my cancer from spreading beyond its current state.  Some people have chemo or radiation to slow down their active disease.  These treatments are advancing quickly in lowering risks of recurrence and managing dreadful side effects.

I am aware the medicine I take slows things down for a few years, before the disease becomes something else. And, I will get another CT scan this month, and all forms of treatment go back on the table. 

Until then, and as usual, I will still be out there, working hard, breaking hearts, laughing harder, crying less, and smiling more.

See you in October............................Love, Sosa

 

 

August 2, 2015

 

As promised, I have returned for another entry.  I took a few weeks off just to take a break.  I also work two jobs, which includes Sunday nights. 

 

I hope things are well with everyone, as my friends have travelled this summer, both for enjoyment and in support of their children in various sporting events.

 

I just wanted to check in to say its going alright.  I stay very busy which does not leave time for much else.  I deal daily with bone aches and pain, and hot flashes and fatigue.  Ironically, fatigue doesn't lead to great sleep.  I manage my symptoms as anyone else manages theirs.  People treat all kinds of diagnoses with medicine or exercise or alternative methods.  I do the same.  

 

It is not always easy.  Some people say I have made the treatment look easy.  The medicine makes things easier.  But easier does not mean easy.  Some days are harder than others for all kinds of reasons.  I can only focus on better days ahead.

 

That is how I seem stronger.  By focusing on the things I can affect in a positive manner, and accepting the reality that exists.  I admit there are days I do not feel as strong.  There are days I feel alone, and days I feel like its hard.  But I remember, chemotherapy is hard, treatment is hard, surgery is hard.  Dying is hard. 

 

So until it comes to that, this is easier than it could be.  I focus on what I can handle.  I focus on remaining strong. And I rely on the strength of others to help me when it gets hard.

 

 

I will return with another entry the first Sunday in September.  Email me directly if you want to chat before then. 

heysosateamsosa@gmail.com

 

Be well, Love, Sosa

July 5, 2015

This week I lost a member of my support group to cancer.  She was an advocate for others during her ten year battle and she will be missed.  Like our friend Marie, she wished for a celebration of her life, upon her departure. 
Thank you Jean, for your spirit.


Holding on to memories of experiences and lessons learned, is essential to making good choices. Learning from mistakes and accepting the past is part of that balance.  Letting go of the anger and regret with the past is much more difficult.  Even figuring out what causes anger or regret is just as difficult.

People I know have lost their lives to cancer these last few weeks.  Its very easy to hold on to the grief. Those feelings can hover and remain for more than just a few days. Eventually, it will be easier to loosen the grip on grief. I believe it is just as important to let go. That decision is unique to the individual, and can only come with time.  It is part of the balance.

As I have written, I choose to live my life as normally as possible.  But it does not mean I am not dying.  I am not in denial about the disease I have or the reality of its damaging effects.  When friends lose their family members, it is a reality check.  Do not think me foolish; I understand this road.  Being on this journey means I travel uphill, a lot.  I am reminded daily of everything.  And I am reminded more often lately, of how cancer touches the lives of people who do not have the disease.

I do not wish grief upon anyone; I acknowledge it is part of accepting loss.  Writing in the blog, is a way of accepting loss.  Celebrating the lives of those who fought bravely against an incurable enemy, is another way of understanding grief and loss.  It is finding solace in granting the wishes of how the loved ones wanted to be remembered.  Eventually, it is holding on to the memories and letting go of the grief.

Love, Sosa

I am taking a break from the blog and will return the first week Sunday in August.